Total Divastation: A look back at WWE Total Divas episode 5
By Kevin LaRose for WrestlingObserver.com
Fox, Rosa, and Paige are at a restaurant. Its lunch time. Rosa, pregnant, asks if the baby can still breathe if she holds her breath.
Nattie greets a fan outside of RAW. Inside, Nattie grabs Mandy’s breast. We’re 30 seconds in and this show already has a lot going on. Mandy starts groping Nattie. Eva Marie goes to get something to eat, and Mandy asks Nattie to train her. What is the make-up budget for this show? Nikki tells us that she’s about to become the longest reigning Diva’s Champion in history. It means a lot to her.
Paige and Rosa are out to lunch again with Mandy, Fox, and Eva Marie. Paige and Rosa talk about how they are wearing the same underwear.
Nikki is stretching in Brie’s house. Their mom comes in and starts yelling at Nikki for not stretching more. She tells her that she has to go to a doctor and stop doing the Rack Attack. Brie tells her that Nikki should instead shove her opponent’s face into her boobs as her finishing move.
Fox, Rosa, and Paige pull up to a party store in a huge-ass 4×4 truck. Rosa is shopping for her baby shower. Paige and Fox decide they are going to make it a goth/Halloween theme. Mandy talks about how she wants to work super hard and train and focus on being the best WWE Diva she can be and, like, stuff. Eva Marie is talking about how she just got her own “social media” guy who is going to follow her around and take her picture. Mandy wants her own “social media” guy.
Nikki and John are going out to a fancy restaurant, and Nikki thinks John looks cute. John admits that he just bought 55 suits when he was in New York… Wait, he bought 55 suits? Nikki thinks it’s a little weird that he bought 55 suits on one trip to New York, too. But she thinks he looks incredible. Nikki looks distressed, but not about the suits. Her neck really hurts and John gives her a massage. Cena is worried so he gets her into the Ferrari and they leave dinner. John Cena bought 55 suits in one trip to New York. 55 suits.
Back in Florida, Eva Marie is teaching Mandy how to use social media. Eva Marie pushes Mandy in the pool. In the gym, Sheamus tells Nikki he is selling his house and he’ll probably never have a family. Nikki is having hard times lifting weights. Backstage at Smackdown, Nattie is talking about how cute cats are. The pyro in the arena scares Rosa. Brie yells at Fox for planning a gothic themed baby shower for Rosa.
In a car, Brie is yelling at Nikki for not yawning after she yawned. Nikki is stoked that she’s going to be in the history books as the longest reigning Divas Champion of all time. Nikki is going to the doctor to get OZONE shots in her back. Everyone is telling Nikki to take care of herself and take some time off.
*****
Back in Florida, Nattie is working out at the performance center waiting for Mandy, who shows up really late in Converse. Nattie is pissed. She has one day off a week and Mandy asked her to drive two hours from Tampa to Orlando in order to help her train. Mandy wants to take a selfie before they start. Nattie finally has had enough and leaves. Mandy does not even understand why Nattie is pissed. Mandy apologizes and Nattie agrees to stay and help.
In Memphis, Rosa, Fox and Paige are in a car and Paige finds out she’s going to be on Conan. But it’s on the day of the baby shower. She tells them she actually wants the baby shower in California, not Florida. Nobody listened to her. Fox tells her she’s being selfish.
In another car, Nattie tells Nikki that all the NXT girls text TJ. Nattie tells Nikki she has to power through the pain. Again, Nattie with the worst advice (like when she offered her father alcohol, even though he’s sober). Backstage, Rosa starts to unload to Mandy about how mad she is about the baby shower. Mandy stares at her blankly. Nattie and Brie are talking about Nikki’s back, and now that she’s in front of Brie, Nattie tells Nikki to take it easy. The girls are eating in catering and Rosa comes in and confronts Fox. This baby shower is getting nasty.
*****
Backstage at RAW, Fox apologizes to Rosa but she’s actually not sorry.
Nikki is about to fight Charlotte, if she wins she’s the longest reigning Diva’s Champion in history. Her back is ruined though. This is crazy. It’s amazing to think what these athletes do to entertain. I know this show is fake but my respect for Nikki is real. Nikki becomes the longest reigning Diva’s Champion of all time.
Brie says that Nikki will never have kids to share this moment with. To celebrate the Divas go out to dinner with Dolph Ziggler. Dolph talks about having sex with the belt on. Brie gives a speech about how great Nikki is. Fox stands up and gives her own speech where she apologizes to Rosa. Rosa forgives her but she refuses to apologize back. She shouldn’t. Paige says it’s time to haze Mandy and asks her who the hottest Superstar is, and she says Dolph Ziggler, who has a big smile. Ziggler asks her if she’d rather have a reality show or be champion. She lies and says she would rather be the champion. Nattie thinks she’s genuine. Mandy says she would be in a long term relationship with Nattie. Paige says they respect Mandy. Everyone learned a lot of lessons this week.
They went to a lot of nice looking restaurants, but the big takeaway… John Cena bought 55 suits on one trip to New York.
