WWE Royal Rumble live results: The road to WrestleMania 39 begins

Date: January 28, 2023
Location: Alamodome in San Antonio, TX

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Show Recap —

KICK-OFF SHOW

The panellists were Kayla Braxton, Jerry Lawler, Booker T, Kevin Patrick and Peter Rosenberg. The panel sat outside the arena with fans in the background. The fans chanted for everyone, even Rosenberg. (Kayla got the loudest chant.) Booker acted upset that he wasn’t invited to the Royal Rumble match but had his phone nearby just in case.

They ran down the card and I believe the fans chanted for Cody Rhodes when they plugged the men’s Rumble.

They aired the Rumble numbers video narrated by Jackie Redmond. 

They spoke about the women’s Rumble and didn’t try to pretend that Rhea Ripley wasn’t the big favourite. (Patrick picked Raquel Rodriguez.)

There were clips of Roman Reigns in Jimmy Fallon’s show. They only showed the bits where he spoke about facing Kevin Owens. (So nothing about The Rock.) 

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Bloodline segment

The Bloodline was backstage. Sami Zayn and The Usos looked worried as Reigns contemplated something. Paul Heyman seemed amused. Reigns was annoyed that Zayn couldn’t follow instructions and asked him why he had to treat him like a child by explaining things over and over again.

Jey took the blame. He said Adam Pearce tossed him and Jimmy from the building and he couldn’t get a hold of Reigns so he called Sami back in. Jey said Sami was there for the family.

Reigns said that was all in the past and they should focus on tonight. Sami and the Usos were relieved. Reigns told the Usos to stay in the back because tonight was Sami’s night. Zayn looked delighted.

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JBL harassed somebody named Greg Miller and shoved a pie in his face. 

They plugged Bray Wyatt/LA Knight and Bianca Belair/Alexa Bliss.

There was a Cody Rhodes video package. (They asked two kids to pick winners for each Rumble match. One picked Rhodes, one picked Ripley.) 

Comedian Gabriel Iglesias joined the panel holding a gold WWE title belt.

They showed clips of various wrestlers picking their Rumble entry numbers. I laughed when Patrick said he wanted to see Kofi Kingston win and Booker bluntly said, “I don’t want to see Kofi win.” Everyone picked Rhodes to win the Rumble besides Lawler (who picked Brock Lesnar). 

Kevin Owens was shown arriving at the arena earlier today. He wore his “Sami Zayn Forever” shirt and pointed it out to the cameraperson. There was a long Bloodline/Sami/Owens video package. 

The men’s Rumble match is opening the show.

(This was the same pointless pre-show as always. Except there was that short Bloodline segment which made this the most notable pre-show in many months.)

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2023 ROYAL RUMBLE 

The intro video was narrated by Hardy (the musician). Michael Cole said they expect over 50,000 fans tonight.

Pat McAfee entered and joined commentary. Corey Graves wasn’t happy. Cole was thrilled. 

(They’re using small screens as the stage setup due to the nature of the building and the number of fans. There’s also a very long aisle like a WrestleMania show so it’ll take a while to get to the ring.)

Cody Rhodes won the 30-Man Royal Rumble Match (1:11:39)

Intercontinental champion Gunther is first, Sheamus is second. 

The Miz entered 3rd. It’s his 14th Rumble match which is the 4th most in history. Kofi Kingston entered 4th. Kingston has the 3rd most appearances in history. Johnny Gargano entered 5th.

They’ve already cut the entry time down from 90 seconds.

Sheamus and Gargano worked together as Sheamus eliminated Miz.

Xavier Woods entered 6th. Woods and Kingston acted like they would wrestle but they did some comedy instead (resulting in Woods smacking Kingston’s ass).  

Karrion Kross entered 7th. Chad Gable entered 8th. Drew McIntyre entered 9th.  

McIntyre eliminated Kross with a Claymore Kick. 

Santos Escobar entered 10th. In the middle of nothing going on, Escobar gave Gargano a Phantom Driver off the top. Angelo Dawkins entered 11th.

Gunther eliminated Woods.

Gunther chucked Kingston out of the ring and Kingston was probably supposed to land on a leather chair but he fell awkwardly and stayed down. He was still sort of on the chair and they tried to figure out if he was eliminated or not but eventually New Day disappeared, so a disappointing end for Kofi.

Brock Lesnar entered 12th. Lesnar handed out suplexes. He eliminated Escobar with a fallaway slam over the top before also eliminating Dawkins and Gable. 

Lesnar and Gunther faced off and the crowd popped. They stared at each other until Bobby Lashley entered 13th. Gunther chopped Lesnar but Lesnar suplexed Gunther.

Lashley speared Lesnar as soon as he hit the ring. Lashley proceeded to slam everyone in sight and abruptly eliminated Lesnar. The crowd popped for that. Cole said Lesnar was in the ring for less than three minutes. 

Baron Corbin entered 14th. Lesnar smashed the steel steps into the announce table before giving Corbin an F5 as he entered (so Corbin never got in the ring).

Seth Rollins entered 15th. (It’s only been 25 minutes. If they were going by 90 seconds the match should be at 37-38 minutes long.) Rollins chucked Corbin in the ring and immediately eliminated him.

Otis entered 16th. Rey Mysterio’s music hit for the 17th spot but he didn’t enter.

Rollins eliminated Lashley somewhat abruptly.

Dominik Mysterio entered 18th — wearing Rey’s mask. Cole called him a piece of shit (Graves stopped him before he could say “shit”). Dom waited before entering the ring.

Sheamus and McIntyre eliminated Otis. Elias entered 19th. Elias was eliminated almost right away by Sheamus and McIntyre.

Finn Bálor entered 20th. Bálor eliminated Gargano. (Gargano was in the ring for over 30 minutes and did absolutely nothing in that time.)

Booker T entered 21st. Booker was in incredible shape. He gave Bálor a Book End and did a Spinarooni. Of course, he was eliminated immediately after that by Gunther to the dismay of the crowd.

Damian Priest entered 22nd. The entire Judgment Day (minus Rhea Ripley) was in the ring. Montez Ford entered 23rd. 

Damian Priest entered 22nd. The entire Judgment Day (minus Rhea Ripley) was in the ring. Montez Ford entered 23rd. Priest eliminated Ford almost immediately (which bothered me).

Edge entered 24th. Edge speared every member of Judgment Day before eliminating both Priest and Bálor.

As Edge tried to eliminate Dom, Judgment Day got involved and Bálor yanked Edge from the ring. Edge was eliminated. 

Austin Theory entered 25th.

Edge attacked Bálor and Priest outside the ring as Theory entered. Rhea Ripley attacked Edge from behind. Beth Phoenix appeared behind her (and the crowd popped) and she speared Ripley. Officials implored Edge and Phoenix to go to the back.

Omos entered 26th. Braun Strowman entered 27th. Strowman eliminated Omos somewhat easily. 

Ricochet entered 28th.  

Gunther eliminated both Sheamus and McIntyre by himself. Cole said Sheamus was in for over 50 minutes.

Logan Paul entered 29th. The crowd booed him once he hit the ring and cheered when everyone attacked him. Paul gave Ricochet a Buckshot Lariat. Strowman and Ricochet teamed up on Paul.

Cody Rhodes entered 30th. He got fireworks. Rhodes gave Theory a springboard cutter before chucking his weight belt into the crowd.

Dom tried giving Cody the three amigos suplexes but Rhodes gave him Cross Rhodes and eliminated him.

Ricochet and Paul stood on the apron on opposite sides of the ring. They yelled at each other before they both did a springboard and collided into each other in mid-air. It was impressive and silly at the same time. The crowd cheered it and the announcers tried to put it over as a great spot.

Ricochet and Paul eliminated Strowman. Theory eliminated Ricochet.

They said the final four was Rhodes, Theory, Gunther and Rollins but they purposely left out Paul who disappeared.

Rollins gave Theory a curb stomp and Rhodes eliminated Theory.

This led to a face-off between Rollins and Rhodes. They were about to go at it but Gunther went after them. Rollins gave Gunther a Pedigree so Rhodes also gave Gunther a Pedigree.

Cole said Gunther has broken Rey Mysterio’s record for most time in the ring for a traditional Rumble match at over 62 minutes (and counting).

They “forgot” about Paul who jumped back in and eliminated Rollins.

Paul bragged until Rhodes gave him Cross Rhodes and eliminated him.

The final two were Rhodes and Gunther.

Gunther chopped Rhodes and the announcers noted this would be particularly painful for Rhodes. (In fact, his chest got all red from the chops.)

Rhodes went to the top but Gunther brought him down with a superplex.

Rhodes fired up and gave Gunther a springboard cutter. The crowd chanted for Cody. Rhodes did Dustin Rhodes’ Shattered Dreams spot but Gunther came back with a dropkick and powerbomb. Gunther tried eliminating Rhodes who just barely hung on.

Gunther tried putting Rhodes to sleep as he was on the apron but Rhodes got out of it. Rhodes tried something off the top but Gunther hit him with a chop on the way down. Rhodes came back with Cross Rhodes and clotheslined Gunther out of the ring.

Cody Rhodes is the 2023 men’s Royal Rumble winner.

— Cole announced that Gunther was in for 1:11:25. I had it as 1:11:39.

Rhodes celebrated with fireworks. There was also a very fake fireworks display outside the stadium.

(The last few minutes with Rhodes and Gunther was very good. I’m glad they had someone new-ish like Gunther go long, and Rhodes looked really good in winning. However, the match overall was quite boring and it felt like they spent no time putting the match together until Rhodes’ part.

As you know already, Sami Zayn was not in the match.) 

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There was a WWE 2K23 commercial.

There was a commercial break/Austin Theory video package.

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LA Knight entered and he stood in the ring as they did a video package and Wyatt’s long entrance. The ring announcer said there were no disqualifications or countouts.

Pitch Black Match: Bray Wyatt defeated LA Knight (5:03)

The lights went down and it basically looked like glow-in-the-dark mini golf.

The details in Wyatt’s face paint could be seen thanks to the glow-in-the-dark paint. It was overwhelmed by Knight’s glowing neon green trunks and kneepads.

There was a spot meant for Nickelodeon where Knight slammed Wyatt through the announce table and a bunch of neon green stuff flew everywhere.

Some other stuff happened and Wyatt won via pinfall with Sister Abigail.

— After the match, Wyatt reemerged with a mask and he stalked Knight through the crowd. Graves said it was like a horror movie. Wyatt no-sold kendo stick shots by Knight before putting him down with a mandible claw.

Uncle Howdy appeared from above on some sort of staging structure. Howdy gave Knight a diving elbow drop off the stage. (You couldn’t really tell from the camera angle but it looked like he completely missed.) Adult-sized members of the FIrefly Funhouse appeared on the structure as Uncle Howdy and LA Knight seemed to catch on fire.

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There was a commercial break/Brock Lesnar video package.

The official attendance for the 2023 Royal Rumble is 51,338.

They did another fake fireworks display of the building’s exterior. Nothing they do looks worse than this.

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Bianca Belair defeated Alexa Bliss to retain the Raw Women’s Championship (7:32)

Belair won an ordinary match with the KOD.

— After the match, a spooky Bliss video aired.

(Graves, trying to put this over as a competitive match, said nobody expected this to be easy — even though Belair did win pretty easily. McAfee responded, “I kinda did!” Perhaps someone got in McAfee’s ear because he did try to make this seem more competitive after that comment.)

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There was a restaurant commercial with Becky Lynch and Seth Rollins followed by another commercial break/Judgment Day video package.

Rhea Ripley won the 30-Woman Royal Rumble Match (1:01:09) 

Rhea Ripley entered 1st. She sold the spear she took from Beth Phoenix earlier. Liv Morgan entered 2nd.  

Dana Brooke entered 3rd. Emma entered 4th. No time at all passed before Shayna Baszler entered 5th.

Bayley entered 6th. Morgan immediately gave Bayley an Oblivion and tried to eliminate her but she held on.

B-Fab entered 7th. She shined for a very brief moment before Ripley eliminated her. Cole made sure to mention that B-Fab was only in for 36 seconds and took a shot at Top Dolla while he was at it.

NXT Women’s Champion Roxanne Perez entered 8th. Perez looked great and wiped out everyone including Bayley and Ripley.

Dakota Kai entered 9th. IYO SKY entered 10th. All of Damage CTRL is now in. SKY wiped out Morgan and Brooke with a springboard dropkick.

Damage CTRL eliminated Brooke before Kai eliminated Emma. They also worked together to eliminate Perez which got some heat from the crowd (and me).

Natalya entered 11th. Candice LeRae entered 12th. LeRae went after Damage CTRL but Baszler caught her with a knee strike.

Natalya and Baszler had a big face-off as the crowd watched on silently. They tried to eliminate each other so Damage CTRL eliminated them both.

Zoey Stark entered 13th. Cole asked Graves if Stark had won a big battle royal recently and Graves responded, “I believe she has.” Graves did make sure to mention that Shawn Michaels was a big fan of hers.

Xia Li entered 14th. LeRae continued to fight off Damage CTRL but she was finally eliminated by SKY.

Becky Lynch entered 15th. Lynch went after Damage CTRL but they beat her up outside the ring (nobody went over the top rope) and laid her out as the crowd booed. (This is a minor detail, perhaps, but LeRae put up a better fight against Damage CTRL initially than Lynch did.)

Tegan Nox entered 16th. Graves made fun of her finisher’s name for 90 seconds until…

Asuka entered 17th to a big reaction and new music while wearing a version of her Kana facepaint. Asuka eliminated Nox.

Piper Niven (Doudrop) entered 18th. The announcers made fun of her old name as she laid waste to a few others.

Tamina entered 19th. Tamina got the better of a faceoff with Niven. Damage CTRL went after Tamina until Lynch returned to the ring and dropped Kai and SKY with a double reverse DDT.

Chelsea Green entered 20th. Ripley eliminated her as soon as she hit the ring and Cole said that was the new record for quickest elimination (for the women).

Lynch eliminated both Kai and SKY before Bayley eliminated Lynch. Morgan eliminated Bayley as she bragged. Damage CTRL attacked Lynch outside the ring.

Zelina Vega entered 21st. Cole plugged her involvement with the new Street Fighter 6 game. She eliminated Xia Li.

Raquel Rodriguez entered 22nd to a nice reaction. Mia Yim entered 23rd. (Her graphic read Mia Yim “Michin” this time instead of “Michin” Mia Yim, so they’re trolling us. The announcers only called her “Michin” — besides McAfee joking about her previous name.)

Lacey Evans entered 24th. McAfee, if it wasn’t already obvious, hasn’t been watching since he left and he thought Evans was a babyface until he quickly realized she no longer was.

Michelle McCool’s music hit for the 25th spot. I forgot to mention earlier but McCool was shown in the crowd earlier. She acted surprised, left the front row and entered the ring. She gave Vega a Styles Clash.

Indi Hartwell entered 26th. Sonya Deville entered 27th. Deville eliminated Stark. Evans eliminated Vega.  

Shotzi entered 28th. Deville eliminated Hartwell. Nikki Cross entered 29th.

Nia Jax entered 30th. They treated this like a star returning and everyone in the ring turned their attention to her. About 10 women went after her and she shoved them all aside. A few women hit Jax with moves before Ripley barely gave her a Riptide sort of. Everyone teamed up to eliminate Jax. (McAfee said it was 11 women who eliminated Jax.) 

Rodriguez eliminated Evans, Asuka eliminated Deville, Ripley eliminated McCool, Yim eliminated Shotzi, Niven eliminated Yim, and Rodriguez eliminated Niven.

Rodriguez almost eliminated Ripley — and the Texas crowd wanted to see it — but Ripley blocked it and eliminated Rodriguez.

Morgan eliminated Cross. The final three are Asuka, Morgan and Ripley. 

Asuka tried to blow mist at Ripley on the apron but Ripley ducked and Morgan was blinded. Ripley eliminated Asuka.

The final two were Morgan and Ripley. Morgan couldn’t see but she still almost eliminated Ripley but Ripley knocked her out for the win.

Rhea Ripley is the 2023 women’s Royal Rumble winner and will get her pick at the title.

(The crowd cheered any time Ripley was close to being eliminated because they knew she was the heavy favourite. Like the men’s match, this was mostly pretty boring until the last few minutes when they made sure to get the winner over in the end.) 

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There was a commercial break/Braun Strowman video package.

Hardy (the musician) performed a song in the ring (they removed the ring ropes for it).

There was a commercial for the Ric Flair documentary and an NXT commercial.

There was a Reigns/Owens video package. 

Almost 20 minutes elapsed between the end of the women’s Rumble match and the entrances for the main event.

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The match began at 11:45pm. There’s been over an hour of non-wrestling time over this show.

Roman Reigns (w/Paul Heyman & Sami Zayn) defeated Kevin Owens to retain the WWE Undisputed Championship (19:14)

This was all about the post-match angle.

Twelve minutes into a back-and-forth match, Owens dodged a spear and Reigns went shoulder-first into the ring post. Owens hit a superkick and senton bomb for two. They messed up a spot but instead of waiting around, Owens popped up and hit a senton. Reigns dodged a moonsault and hit a spear for two.

Reigns shoved Owens into the referee who was knocked out. Owens hit a pop-up powerbomb and made the cover but, of course, there was no referee. Reigns gave him a low blow.

Reigns signalled to Sami Zayn who reminded Reigns that he told him to do nothing. Reigns demanded Zayn get a chair. Zayn did get a chair but he hesitated before sliding it into the ring.

By the time he did, Owens avoided the chair and hit a stunner for a nearfall. Reigns countered another pop-up powerbomb and hit a superman punch for a nearfall.

Owens slid outside the ring and Zayn warned him to stay down which led to Reigns spearing Owens through the barricade. Reigns also flung Owens backward onto the steel steps (as Austin Theory did to Owens weeks ago).

Owens defiantly smacked Reigns but Reigns immediately speared him for the pinfall win. Reigns retained.

(This was a good match but nothing special. It probably wasn’t meant to be, because as mentioned above, this was all about what was next.)

— After the match, Reigns attacked Owens. The Usos gave him the 1D as Reigns put his arm around Zayn. The Usos put a chair over Owens’ head and neck as Solo Sikoa gave him a running hip attack.

They handcuffed Owens’ hands to the top rope and the Usos repeatedly superkicked Owens.

Reigns grabbed a chair and went to hit a helpless (and already dead) Owens but Zayn stepped in his way. Zayn told Reigns he was already the champion and didn’t need to go that far. Reigns instead offered the chair to Zayn.

Reigns screamed at Zayn to hit Owens. Reigns said he loved Zayn and he was in their family but if he didn’t want to do it, he should “go and do Jackass shit.” Reigns got in Zayn’s face and told him to do it.

Zayn finally did it. He nailed Reigns in the back with the chair.

This got a huge pop but it was quelled after Jimmy superkicked Zayn. Solo and Jimmy beat the crap out of Zayn.

The crowd chanted for Jey who just watched. The Bloodline encouraged him to join but instead — Jey walked off. The crowd cheered Jey who walked down the aisle, obviously torn up by his decision.

Reigns beat the shit out of Zayn with the chair as the crowd booed.

There was a loud “F*ck you Roman” chant.

Reigns, Jimmy Uso, Solo Sikoa, and Paul Heyman left the ring as Owens and Zayn lay dead.

(I was down on this show but this last bit was awesome.)