WWE Total Divas: Total Divastation Episode 9

Submitted by Kevin LaRose

Nattie is doing her mother’s make-up. She does a horrible job. She sends her sister to put make-up on her dad. She takes a picture with her mom. It takes her a long time to take the picture. Her mom’s make-up ends up looking ok.

In Los Angeles. Everyone is getting ready for Hell in a Cell. Nikki fights Charlotte and loses. Nikki is sad but she feels like she is passing the torch.

Nattie, Rosa, and Mandy are at a really fancy restaurant for lunch. They are drinking Perrier. Business people on lunch meetings order lunch around them. Nattie is worried about Rosa because Rosa gets hurt easily. Nattie, who has long been considered the worst advice giver in the whole world and throughout all space and time, advises Rosa to hide her feelings from her fiancé.

Back at Nattie’s house, she looks at old photos with Neidhart and Tyson. Neidhart tells everyone about how he was asked to mate with Russian shot-putters. Nattie would like to have her whole family dress up in pink and write messages on their shirt that say Team Anvil and then take a picture of it. Her mom thinks that is a great idea. Nattie loves taking pictures of herself. She wishes she had more photos than she has. She teaches her family how to take photos. Tyson is annoyed.

Rosa doesn’t want her fiancé to go to Las Vegas. She thinks he’s going to cheat on her. He’s going to Vegas for his t-shirt business. Rosa is so pissed.

Now everyone is in San Diego. Nattie touches R-Truth’s nipple. Mandy asks Nikki what’s up. Carrano shows up and touches Nikki’s shoulder. They walk to a doctor and Nikki learns she has to go off the road. She’s really upset. Nikki doesn’t want to be forgotten. Nikki has a real fear of abandonment. I’m pretty sure it has to do mostly with her father leaving and her grandfather dying. Nikki goes to Tampa to start physical therapy. The physical therapist tells her she has to wear a brace.

Nattie’s family comes over and they strategize costumes for their family photo, which is scheduled to be taken the next day. It’s not going how Nattie wants. She wants the family to act like royalty. She is disappointed because they are acting like a bunch of baboons. She tries to teach her family how to take pictures. They are doing a horrible job learning.

Nikki tells her mom about how she doesn’t want to be forgotten. Nikki and her mom joke about Nikki having sex with John Cena. She calls John and asks him to help her heal. He says ok.

Back in California, Rosa and Mandy are going to the beach. Rosa is so bummed about her fiancé going to Las Vegas. She looks on Instagram and sees that he is at a pool party. This weird dude comes out of nowhere and tells her that her fiancé is probably being bad. Rosa tries to call him and it goes to voicemail. The weird dude tells her that everyone is humping her fiancé. Mandy tries to distract Rosa with activities.

Nikki shows up at Cena’s gym. The trainer tells her she drinks too much. Nikki doesn’t want to hear that. Cena takes Nikki’s phone away from her. He doesn’t think she is working hard enough.

Mandy and the two weird boys show up at Rosa’s house. Rosa is feeling neglected. Her fiancé calls. He’s jealous of the photo he saw where she’s with the two weird guys who are actually Mandy’s brothers. They have an awkward conversation. He’s pissed. Rosa’s pissed. Mandy’s pissed because she feels like she is being used. And oh wow… they are at an amazing looking Japanese restaurant. Rosa tells the waiter what she likes and doesn’t like. Mandy tells Rosa she needs to relax. Rosa tells her that she’s been hurt a lot. She has a hard time trusting people. The weird brothers try to give her advice.

Back in Tampa, it’s time for the scheduled photograph. Nattie’s family shows up and Nattie hates the costumes. Nattie specifically told her sister, “No wine,” but her sister thinks wine is ok. She gives the photographer wine. They take pictures, and Nattie is so pissed. Tyson is really good at taking pictures. Nattie’s sister drops her glass of wine. Nattie is pissed. Tyson hates that Nattie is snapping her fingers at everyone. Later that afternoon, Nattie is sulking in the bedroom. Tyson tells her she can pick her nose but she can’t pick her family. Nattie is so pissed. Tyson tells her to lighten up and Nattie realizes she was acting like a mutant. Nattie goes downstairs and takes a selfie with everyone. That one simple selfie means more to Nattie than any professionally photographed shot ever could.

Cena, Nikki, and her mom are at a bomb ass looking restaurant. They spell grill with an e… Grille. Cena tells Nikki she can only have one glass of wine. Oh no you didn’t. Nikki is pissed. Nikki complains that Cena is a buzzkill. Cena is so mad that Nikki is drinking more than one glass of wine. John Cena hates weakness.

Rosa’s fiancé gets home. Rosa wants to have a one on one talk. I think her fiancé has a secret and I think he’s going to tell her now. He’s really upset that she was posting photos with the weird boys. She’s pissed that he went to a pool party and looked like he was having fun. He tells her he was in Las Vegas because he was looking for rings for Rosa. She cries and hugs him. She tells him she hasn’t told him about all the trauma she had. He tells her she’s got to get over that. He’s wearing a cutoff hoodie without anything underneath. He has a lot of tattoos.

Back at Cena’s house, Nikki turns on the fireplace. Cena tells her to put on the neck brace. She doesn’t want to. Nikki tells Cena he’s acting like a father. Nikki asked him to be her coach and now she’s pissed because he is such a buzzkill. Cena is super-chill, but if you ask him to help you then he expects you to take it as seriously as he does and if you don’t, you let him down. If John Cena was helping me, I’m 100% positive I wouldn’t let him down. I would make him so proud of me. Nikki tells him he is being overbearing. Her mom tells Nikki that Cena was being cool and Nikki was being whack about the whole thing. She tells Nikki to give him a hug and apologize. Nikki goes into Cena’s cigar room and apologizes to him. He tells her he doesn’t want to be a bummer or anything but she asked him for help and he felt put in a tough spot. He tells her he doesn’t want to be her coach anymore because he hates having to be a buzzkill. Nikki tries to make putting on her neck brace a sex act with Cena. That’s the show.