The Lost Boys (and Girls) on the road to WrestleMania

It’s the season to be jolly and the season to sparkle: It’s WrestleMania season.

It’s the season when a year’s worth of hard work is supposed to finally pay off, but for some, it actually doesn’t. After endless travel all over the country and wrestling nearly every day for an entire year, some find themselves without a match come WrestleMania time, or, at best, they get thrown into the “get as many bodies on the show as possible” battle royal. 

I get it; there is only so many spots on the monstrous card (are we up to 13 matches or so?) But at the same time, there are some very deserving talents who by all rights should have a spot on the show, but ended up getting lost on the road to WrestleMania.

Here’s who should have been picked up on the side of the road.

Samoa Joe

The road to WrestleMania starts at the Royal Rumble and while Samoa Joe made his main roster debut on the next night’s Raw, two months just wasn’t enough for Joe to get himself a match on the card.

Despite not having a match, Joe may still get his first WrestleMania moment and bust some muscles by involving himself in the sanctionless Seth Rollins vs. Triple H match, so it’s not a total loss. It’s a shame Joe couldn’t get his own match with, say, Finn Balor, who has been back on the road recently after recovering from his shoulder injury. That surely would been one of the best matches on the show.  

Finn Bálor

Speaking of Bálor, it must have been frustrating to be out for so long and then be ready in time for Mania, but not included on the card. There is, of course, a chance he will be a part of the show in some way or another as a foil for Triple H’s foil that goes by the name of the aforementioned Samoa Joe, perhaps. But the more likely case is that Bálor is being saved as a post-Mania Raw surprise. And that’s OK. Life goes on after WrestleMania, and the biggest Raw of the year isn’t a bad place to make a return.  

Kiefer Sutherland

Sorry. Wrong lost boys.

Sami Zayn

Remember WWE Battleground last July when Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens had a pretty great match that Zayn won? Do you remember how their careers took completely different paths after that with the loser (Owens) getting the big push toward a WWE Universal Studios Championship run, while the winner (Zayn), well, didn’t.

In fact, all Zayn really went on to do was put over guys like Owens, Braun Strowman, and Samoa Joe. For months and months, Zayn has been getting the Daniel Bryan anti-authority underdog push, but with none of the payoff, unless participating in the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal, or the ATGMBR, which Zayn, and only Zayn, had to actually fight his way into, a payoff.

There’s always a chance he wins it and his career takes off in 2017, but I get the feeling Zayn is destined to be another Dolph Ziggler in WWE rather than a Daniel Bryan.

Dolph Ziggler

Just jokes, y’all. Dolph’s ship sailed off the edge of the earth a long time ago.

Braun Strowman

I get it. I really do. The sole purpose of Braun Strowman’s slow build from a giant, kind of terrible wrestler into a giant, pretty fun to watch unbeatable monster, was to eventually put over Roman Reigns. Braun, like many, is just another victim of the neverending Reigns push.

But the problem is that they actually did such a good job of building Braun that he started to get over. Braun beating up Reigns became pretty much my favourite part of Raw for a while. But just as Braun’s momentum was at its highest, Reigns beat him clean BEFORE WrestleMania. I’m fine with that, but after such a long build, and the fact that Braun was getting over, it felt like such a waste not to let the feud climax at Mania.

Instead, Strowman ended up as merely a mountain for Reigns to climb over on his way to face Undertaker at WrestleMania. Gosh, I sure can’t wait for Undertaker to join the Reigns Put Over Club, or the RRPOC. At least we can enjoy see Braun in the ATGMBR alongside such illustrious talents like Jinder Mahal and Titus O’Neil.

Luke Harper

Bray Wyatt vs. LukeHarper at WrestleMania could have been the culmination of a multi-year-long story. Instead we got the story of Randy Wyatt: Pyromaniac and Dirt Stabber.

Mick Foley

Please, for the love of all that is good, have Mick Foley make an appearance at WrestleMania and get the last laugh on Stephanie and Triple H. If Foley getting sent packing on Raw with his tail between the legs is truly the end of his storyline as Raw GM, then I will stop accepting all those free months of WWE Network. I’m serious. I’ll do it.  

WWE Women’s Division

On one hand, it’s nice that WWE has booked both women’s title matches in a way so that as many wrestlers as possible can be on the show, an improvement over past Manias. But I would have been way more invested in a classic one-on-one title match, say between Bayley and Charlotte and especially if Bayley was coming in as the challenger going for her first title win and Charlotte still had her undefeated PPV streak.

But WWE played all its cards too early instead of saving those special moments for Mania. Now we have two very crowded title matches, one of which isn’t even on the main show (EQUALITY!), and I’m not really fussed about the outcome of either.

The Cruiserweights

What’s that tagline for WrestleMania 33 that was repeated about a thousand times (actually 12) on the Raw go home show? Thriller: The Ride? Marvel’s The Ultimates? Flo Rida’s cousin Thrill Rida? Oh wait: The Ultimate Thrill Ride. I wonder which division has the wrestlers most suitable for a match that might invoke feelings of excitement, one that might create some thrills. If only WWE had five or six fast paced, high flying wrestlers under 205 pounds that could put on a spectacle.

But, at least we’re getting Neville vs. Austin Aries…on the pre-show.