Joey Janela’s Spring Break 2 results: Joey Janela vs. The Great Sasuke

Here’s a recap of everything that went down at this morning’s Joey Janela Spring Break 2 event in New Orleans.

Things started off with a video, a parody of the film The Wrestler starring an older Joey Janela, Penelope Ford and an older Lio Rush. The end of the video parodied the tweet that Lio Rush got into a ton of trouble for after Emma was released from her contract last year.

– Eli Everfly defeated DJZ, Tony Deppen, Gringo Loco, KTB and Teddy Hart in a six way match

Teddy Hart was in control and laid everyone out with codebreakers and lumbar checks. He laid out people on the outside with an Asai moonsault. KTB followed with a tope con hilo. KTB launched Eli Everfly to the floor, taking someone out with a hurricanrana then came back to the ring and laid out KTB.

Gringo Loco went for a powerbomb off the top rope, but Everfly countered with a hurricanrana. Everyone came back in and kept doing moves, so if that is the kind of match you like, this had a million of them. Everfly got the win after doing a underhook Canadian destroyer off the top rope. I thought those were illegal here…

– Matt Riddle defeated James Ellsworth

Ellsworth jumped Riddle at the bell and stomped on his leg. Riddle fought back with gutwrench suplexes, then planted Ellsworth with an exploder and a senton. Riddle went for a knee strike, but it missed…because he has no chin, you see. Ellsworth hit two superkicks for a nearfall.

Ellsworth went for another superkick, but Riddle dodged, took Ellsworth down and sunk in the bromission. Ellsworth immediately tapped out. Short, but fun while it lasted.

Virgil came to the ring. He cut a promo, but I have no idea what he said. Then he headed to the back. Cool.

– PCO defeated WALTER

WALTER cut a promo before the match and said he’d give PCO one last chance to back out. PCO, in a very un PG manner, objected.

They do, in fact, chop each other. WALTER hit a seated splash. PCO made a comeback, but Walter back body dropped him to the floor. PCO battled WALTER around the ring. He took a table from out of the ring  and continued to brawl with WALTER until he took PCO and flung him back first onto the apron.

WALTER argued with the referee, and in the distraction PCO tried to powerbomb him onto the table, but WALTER escaped and worked him over, throwing him into some stairs. PCO went to the top rope and hit a moonsault that completely missed WALTER and took out the referee instead. WALTER took PCO and powerbombed him through the table, the first good table break of the evening at the arena.

WALTER hit another powerbomb, but the referee was still out. Another came in, but PCO kicked out. The two got into a chop fest that the crowd really got into. WALTER made it to the outside where PCO followed with a somersault senton to the floor. He took WALTER to the top rope and hit a top rope hurricanrana for a nearfall. WALTER came to and hit a overhead suplex.

PCO came alive and hit a rolling senton then followed with a springboard moonsault. He followed with a senton bomb and picked up the win. Honestly, an incredible back and forth match that’s among one of the best matches of the weekend so far. If you would have told me last year PCO would look this awesome in doing what he did, I would have called you crazy. It’s clear at this point the rules of logic don’t apply to pro wrestling in 2018.

After the match, the two chopped each other one more time before shaking hands.

– Nick Gage defeated Penta 0M

So within the first thirty seconds of the match Penta blasted Gage flush in the head with a steel chair shot. They took it to the outside where Penta went to chop Gage but he dodged and Penta slapped his hand on the barrier instead. Penta took out a lot of doors, which are under the ring for reasons unknown. They were set up, with Penta and Gage going through two of them rather quickly.

Chairs were introduced. Penta set up a door on two of them and took Gage to the top rope. Gage took him down and powerbombed him into the table and hit a uranage into a backbreaker for the win. A solid weapons brawl.

Gage cut a promo on the fans after the match, saying anyone that wants to fight him, he’ll be in the parking lot.

– David Starr defeated Mike Quackenbush

They do some mat wrestling to start things off. Quackenbush gets Starr in a octopus stretch, but Starr escapes, grabs him and hits a running charge into two turnbuckles. Quackenbush comes back with a hurricanrana to the floor and a swanton bomb. He follows with the Quackendriver for a nearfall.

Quackenbush goes for a springboard but Starr grabs him and powerbombs him. Quackenbush hits a tornado DDT and goes for a dive but Starr catches him and plants a DDT on the apron. Quackenbush tried to fight back, but ate a sick lariat, allowing Starr to get the pin and the win in a good back and forth match.

Starr took the mic after the match and said the match was special to him because Quackenbush was his most influential wrestler. He said it was an honor and a privilege to share a ring with him.

There was a long video with MJF trying to get into the arena for the cluster match. He ended up being locked in a janitor’s closet.

– The Invisible Man won the Clusterf**k match

Jimmy Lloyd and Martina started things off. Orange Cassidy followed not too long after. , then Curt Stallion, then Wheeler Yuta, then Facade. People were coming in as soon as other people were coming in, I guess living up to the name. Facade hit Stallion with a inverted death valley driver then pinned Stallion with a dropkick to the corner.

Swoggle came in next and beat up everyone. Grado came in next and overpowered him. Kikutaro came in and tried to ropewalk but fell and crotched himself. The Invisible Man came in next and cleaned house until Kikutaro tried to test him….but then was thrown over the top rope, eliminating him. Swoggle soon tapped out Swoggle.

Joe Gacy came in next, then Brian Idol. Chris Dickinson in a mask and smoking a cigarette came out next to Real American. Yes, that Real American. Facade went to rope walk, but Dickinson threw a chair at him and eliminated him, then Joe Gacy, then Wheeler Yuta was thrown to the floor, eliminating him as well. Dickinson hit a legdrop and pinned Grado.

Dan Severn followed, then Alabama Doink, and the two went at it. Severn then let Alabama Doink eliminate himself, and he happily obliged. Dickinson seized the opportunity and eliminated Severn immediately after. RSP followed, then Marcus Crane, Crazy Boy and Aero Boy from DTU. Rory Gulak then came out to his brother’s old music and gimmick.

Nate Webb came in next and entered the crowd. This went on for several minutes and the match just kind of stopped. He eventually entered the ring and laid out Rory immediately with the soylent green to eliminate him. Ethan Page was next, then MJF. Team DTU were eliminated by Page and MJF as they joined forces and eliminated RSP next. Martina came back in with a used condom and used it like Mr. Socko. A lot of lewd stuff followed, then Ethan Page rolled up Martina to eliminate her.

Orange Cassidy came in and misted Page and MJF with orange juice. He went to the top rope and hit the laziest headbutt ever and misses, crashing to the floor. He’s eliminated immediately, which brings us back to the Invisible Man, who clears house. Jimmy Lloyd hits a piledriver, but then the official rules that it is illegal, so he is being forced out of the building by the Louisiana State Commission and thus is eliminated.

MJF and Page picked on referee Bryce Resemberg next, pushing him to the floor. He retaliated by body slamming MJF and hit a tilt a whirl DDT on Page. MJF laid him out and threw him to the floor. Mikey Whipwreck was out next as a surprise, and the two started to beat him up as well. Whipwreck hit the whippersnapper on Page and Webb laid out Page to eliminate him.

The final two seemingly were Nate Webb and MJF. But right after MJF eliminated Webb, the Invisible Man came in and rolled up MJ for the win. This match was exactly what it was advertised as, that is for damn sure.

– Joey Janela defeated The Great Sasuke

Sasuke was doing a Buddhist monk gimmick. He hypnotized Janela and had him land on his head. They fought over to a table there Sasuke threw Janela into the table, but it didn’t break. Sasuke set up a ladder on the bottom rope and went to do a senton, but Janela dodged and Sasuke managed to put his head through a rung.

More crazy spots with weapons. Sasuke powerbombed Janela into a bunch of standing chairs then clobbered him with a door. Janela yelled out Cornette’s name and hit a death valley driver on the apron. Janela went for a senton, but Sasuke dodged and Janela landed on the concrete hard. Sasuke uses the opportunity to set up a table and dives headfirst through the table.

Penelope Ford comes in and tries to distract Sasuke by dancing. He falls for it at Janela jumps him from behind. He goes for a moonsault, but Sasuke dodges once again. Somehow, a trash can is introduced. Sasuke clumsily climbs to the top rope. He tried to put the trash can over his head for a dive, but eventually he gave up and hit a swanton bomb. Janela dodged, sending Sasuke crashing to the floor.

Janela finally put a chair on top of Sasuke, went to the top rope and pinned Sasuke after a double foot stomp. A unique brawl of a bout, and crowd was hot it for it. Well, at least as hot as they could be for a show ending in the wee hours of the morning.

Janela put over Sasuke after the match, and they both sang “It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi to close out the show, which was one hell of an experience, I sure as hell can tell you.