Impact Wrestling results: Austin Aries defends his title

Allie & Kiera Hogan defeated Knockouts Champion Su Yung & The Undead Maid of Honor

Yung and the bridesmaids made a scary, zombie-like entrance into the ring.

Hogan and Allie, full of energy, attacked the bridesmaids from the back on the entrance ramp. This was a showcase match for Allie. She hit a spinning dive off the second turnbuckle to the outside of the ring on several of the bridesmaids. Allie hit a codebreaker, which is probably the most overused move on the show, on Yung for the win. But after the match Tessa Blanchard ran in an attacked Allie from the outside while Hogan was subdued by the bridesmaids. 

Blanchard hit Allie with a hammerlock DDT and then mugged for the camera. Blanchard is the total package: She has strong ring skills and plays to the camera perfectly. 

Blanchard said in a backstage interview that she deserves the next title shot.

“She may be the best women’s wrestler I have ever seen,” commentator Don Callis said of Blanchard. 

The OGz defeated Nathan Stokes & Ray Steele

Even though the OGz are not Tag Team Champions, they came to the ring with the belts after they stole them from real champs LAX a week ago.

This was a quick squash match. Homicide won when he dropped Stokes on the back of his shoulders and hit an awkwardly-delivered reverse chicken wing slam. It was a wicked looking move. 

“He dropped that young man on his head, sickening,” Callis said. 

The OGz’s manager King grabbed the microphone and said his team took LAX’s title belts and made them their own (they spray-painted OGz on the belts).

Just then, Santana and Ortiz from LAX ran into the ring and attacked Hernandez and Homicide of the OGz. Security broke up the melee. Konnan followed them and encouraged LAX to return to the backstage area and leave the OGz alone. After the break, Konnan told LAX not to fall into the OGz’s “trap” and that the right time will come for LAX to strike.

They showed an ad for LAX vs. The Young Bucks on Chris Jericho’s upcoming Rock ‘N’ Wrestling Rager cruise. Callis said “the two best tag teams in the world do battle at sea.”

Flashback Moment of the Week: Jushin Thunder Liger defeated Petey Williams

This was an exciting, high-flying match from Sacrifice 2006, with Liger hitting his signature aerial moves. Liger won with a front face slam to the delight of the fans inside the Impact Zone

Desi Hit Squad (Gursinder Singh & Rohit Raju) defeated KM & Fallah Bahh

Bahh looks like he would have been the perfect heel for Hulk Hogan in the 1980s. The large, rotund wrestler smacked his head and screamed “Bahh” as the match started. Callis said “Gursinder Singh speaks four languages, Fallah Bahh apparently speaks none.”

Bahh is really over with the fans. He hit two big splashes in the corner on Singh and Raju and then hit a leg drop on Singh. KM showed his strength and tossed both members of the Hit Squad around. Bahh and KM hit their patented Tuna Roll on Singh and Raju. The 400-pound Bahh and KM took turns rolling over the two wrestlers. 

“This should be illegal,” Callis blurted. “They are gonna hurt someone badly.”

KM hit a full-nelson slam on Raju, but Bahh accidentally distracted the referee so he couldn’t make the count. That allowed Singh to hit a flying knee and a DDT to pin KM, to set up would looks like a potential KM turn on Bahh. 

They showed Anthony Carelli backstage trying to hype his protege, Dustin Cameron, who gets a title shot, for some unknown reason, against Austin Aries later in the show. After he went along with every gimmick WWE threw at him a decade ago, it’s surprising that the former Santino Marella doesn’t have a job somewhere with WWE today.

Backstage, Jimmy Jacobs interrupted a Johnny Impact interview and took off Impact’s sunglasses. Impact punched him in the face and challenged Jacob’s stablemate Kongo Kong. “I want the monster. I am not going to ask again,” Impact told Kong 

Impact World Champion Austin Aries defeated Dustin Cameron (w/ Anthony Carelli) to retain his title

“If you believe in feel-good stories and you believe in miracles, you are not going to want to miss this match,” commentator Josh Mathews screamed.

Aries walked to the ring slowly eating a banana, and fully dressed in black jeans and a black shirt. 

Aries did not take the match seriously, but he outwrestled Cameron in the short bout. Cameron hit a couple of judo throws, but Aries rallied quickly to hit a brainbuster. He could have pinned the kid, but instead pulled him up, prompting Carelli to throw in the towel to save his student. Aries threw the towel back at Carelli and then delivered the Last Chancery.

Carelli jumped into the ring. Aries took off his shirt. The crowd cheered for Carelli’s WWE finisher, the Cobra, but this is a different, far more serious Carelli than the Santino character he played in WWE. Carelli kicked him law and Aries stumbled out of the ring onto the ramp. When he turned around, Eddie Edwards hit him with a kendo stick. He tried to double-arm DDT the champ, but Aries escaped. 

They announced Aries vs. Edwards for the title next week.

A goofy looking interviewer named Bob Kapoor tried to interview Scarlett Bordeaux, but he was so mesmerized by her beauty that he couldn’t get any words out. Bordeaux asked the interviewer his name and he stuttered when trying to say “Bob,” so Bordeaux called him “Bobo.”

Bordeaux, in a long red dress, said it was tough living in a world of “threes” when she was “a 10.”

“This is how God made me and I will not be hot-shamed,” she said. Kapoor left and Bordeaux said “I guess men around here aren’t used to seeing women like me.”

“The Smokeshow is here to make wrestling sexy again,” she said. 

Eli Drake & Trevor Lee (w/ Caleb Konley) defeated Grado & Joe Hendry (w/ Katarina)

Lee and his regular tag team partner Konley attacked Grado and Hendry to start the match. 

Grado took most of the beating during the match. When Konley went after Katarina, Hendry stepped off the apron to protect her, leaving no one for Grado to tag in. Drake hit the Gravy Train for the pinfall victory on Grado. 

Once again, Hendry was paying a little too much attention to Katarina, leaving Grado jealous and wondering if his girlfriend and best friend were having an affair. Hendry denies any interest, but it’s clear that Grado is increasingly becoming the third wheel in the group.

Pentagon Jr. & Fenix defeated oVe (Dave & Jake Crist) w/ Sami Callihan

This was a showcase match for Pentagon and Fenix. Callihan was at ringside with his arm in a sling. oVe dominated early, with the Crist brothers even hitting two spectacular over-the-top rope dives to start the match. The crowd was very into Pentagon and Fenix, yelling “Lucha, Lucha.”

The story of the match was the Crist brothers trying to remove Pentagon and Fenix’s masks. When they couldn’t do that, they tied the masks together. Pentagon and Fenix tried to pull apart but couldn’t move. The Crist brothers then both hit superkicks on the restrained wrestlers. 

The luchadores finally broke free, and Pentagon Jr. and Fenix hit a spike DDT. Pentagon lifted Dave up with a double underhook to set up the move, then Fenix jumped off the top rope onto Crist’s back and Pentagon delivered the DDT for the win.