AEW Dark results: Santana & Ortiz vs. Jungle Boy & Marko Stunt
The episode began with a “Last Week on Dynamite” video, which is a different way to format the show. This concentrated on the MJF vs. Hangman Page match and the aftermath with DDP.
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Tony Schiavone has returned from the assignment he was on last week and hosted the show with Dasha Gonzales, who was also on assignment from Dark last week. That’s a lot of assignments.
Shanna was supposed to do commentary with Excalibur, but she got laid out by Nyla Rose before the show began last week. Rose then joined Excalibur at the desk.
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Jimmy Havoc defeated Brandon Cutler
Neither wrestler came into the match with the most sterling win-loss record. Havoc has only won one singles match (and two overall), but Cutler has won nothing. Zero, zip, zilch, nada.
Havoc just got done paying a hefty fine for using an unauthorized staple gun at the last show, so he had to shake his head at the fans chanting for staples. Unless they were chanting for the office supply store.
They were having a good, solid match that the fans weren’t really getting into until Havoc went crazy and pulled out his staple gun. He did have a change of heart and gave it to the referee, but Havoc then kicked a field goal with Cutler’s groin. Unlike way too many extra points in the NFL this year, this one was good.
Cutler got over it and went for a chop outside the ring, but Havoc ducked and Cutler chopped the ring post.
Havoc continued to bite Cutler. Perhaps he didn’t get enough to eat at the pre-match buffet? Cutler broke out an over-the-top-rope leg drop while Havoc was laying on the middle rope, but he went down in defeat after Havoc hit the Acid Rainmaker.
After the match, Havoc stapled a check for $10,000 to Cutler’s head.
We cut to a post-match promo where Havoc told AEW management that he will do what he wants and will pay these checks every time, before stapling a check to the wall. If these fines were legit, why wouldn’t they just take the money out of the wrestler’s paycheck?
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The same propaganda video from last week aired, urging people to Join The Dark Order.
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A video package recapping Cody’s return from last week aired. The one thing people don’t seem to mention (or maybe notice) is before everyone came out they had already done a hashtag promoting The Butcher, The Blade, and The Bunny.
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Shawn Spears (w/ Tully Blanchard) defeated Sonny Kiss
Kiss got the biggest reaction on the show so far, just doing his normal spots. Spears mocked him by flexing his butt cheeks, which caused the fans to chant “10” at him. Spears flipped off the Sears Centre.
Moments later, Spears dropped Kiss with a backbreaker on the ring apron, which is the hardest part of the ring. Spears won with a C-4, a running Death Valley Driver, in what was essentially a squash match.
After the match, Spears and Blanchard gave Kiss a spike piledriver outside the ring.
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We got a commercial for A Little Bit of the Bubbly before we were magically whisked away to the AEW Control Center.
A recap of the Dustin Rhodes/Inner Circle angle from last week aired, which builds up tomorrow night’s six-man tag. Also last week, Pentagon Jr. and Fenix were complaining to Jenn Decker about losing to Trent, when Pentagon was attacked by Christopher Daniels. This leads to the Daniels-Pentagon match tomorrow night.
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We got a mockumentary called Jurassic Planet, looking at, shockingly, the Jurassic Express. They showed Jungle Boy getting water from a nearby brook and Luchasaurus eating leaves from a tree.
They happened to stumble across a naughty babysaurus, named Marko Stunt, who was playing with tires. The video ended with Luchasaurus holding Stunt’s hand like a father and his child while carrying Jungle Boy.
This was in lieu of a From Undesirable to Undeniable segment. Let’s face facts, Luchasaurus sitting down and talking to Cody about his career just wouldn’t be right.
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Proud & Powerful (Santana & Ortiz) defeated Jurassic Express (Jungle Boy & Marko Stunt)
Jurassic Express have the worst records of anyone in AEW. Jungle Boy is 0-8 going into this match, while Stunt is 0-7. I assume Luchasaurus is still getting over his injury and that’s why we’re getting Babysaurus.
Ortiz got worked over by his smaller foes, but then the heels took over with a double-team German suplex/dropkick on Stunt.
Santana lifted Stunt up in a suplex and then Proud & Powerful tagged in and out and handed Stunt off to each other while he was still in the suplex position. Stunt rolled through with a small package at one point, but he eventually was dropped at the second suplex attempt.
Stunt and Jungle Boy were set up on chairs outside the ring and Santana did a running cannonball dive off Ortiz’s back onto them.
Both members of Jurassic Express do a great job of fighting for the hot tag. This time Jungle Boy got it and got a near fall with a diving crossbody. They also used a ripcord leg drop and a flipping cutter. Stunt went up top for a 450 splash, but got distracted when Jungle Boy got pulled off the apron and was pinned after a Liger Bomb by Santana.
Sammy Guevara came out to shoot video of the three of them putting the boots to Jurassic Express. This may be footage for Being The Inner Circle. Luchasaurus did a walk-in for the save. He gave all three boots and knees and gave Ortiz a chokeslam for good measure.
Luchasaurus, who was not booked on the show, stood tall over the three men who will be in the main event of Dynamite tomorrow night. Jake Hager then walked out and traded blows with Luchasaurus. It was the Unstoppable Force vs. the Immovable Object, as neither man went down. Luchasaurus tried going for a chokeslam, but Proud & Powerful broke it up.
The Young Bucks ran down and chased Proud & Powerful and Hager off. All five babyfaces went off on Guevara, including Stunt doing an assisted Canadian Destroyer.
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Final Thoughts —
Now that AEW Dark has settled down into the B-show territory it was always meant to be, we can judge the show based on that. The episode was fine — I guess I should get used to the crowd being dead, even though they were pretty hot last week. Check out the Jurassic Planet mockumentary and skip the rest unless you’re a completist.